2. Aim Desire and Aversion Correctly

Desire and aversion are the two forces that move us. Epictetus says the first skill of the student is to aim them correctly.

Desire promises you will get what you want. Aversion promises you will avoid what you do not want.

The person who fails to get what he wants is unhappy. The person who runs into what he tried to avoid is miserable.

Limit your aversion to things that are in your own control. Do that, and you will never run into what you tried to avoid.

Aim aversion at sickness, or death, or poverty, and you will be miserable. Take aversion away from everything not in your control. Turn it instead toward the things inside you that would go against your own nature.

For now, set your desire down entirely. If you long for anything not in your control, you are sure to be disappointed. The things in your control that are worth wanting, you do not yet have hold of.

Use only gentle versions of wanting and avoiding. Keep them light. Keep them open to correction.

What this means. Train your wants and your fears. Point them only at what you can actually change. Everything else is a trap.