16. Stay Clear Inside While Being Kind Outside

Epictetus does not tell you to be cold. He tells you to stay clear inside while being kind outside.

When you see someone weeping from grief, because his son has gone away, or has died, or because he has lost what he had, take care that the sight does not carry you off with it.

Make the distinction in your own mind right away.

Have this ready to say:

"It is not the event itself that hurts this person. Another person can hear the same thing and not be hurt. It is the judgment he has formed about it that hurts him."

As far as words go, do not refuse to bend toward him. If it helps, you can even groan along with him.

Take care, though, not to groan on the inside too.

What this means. Meet another person's sorrow with kind words and a soft face. Keep your own mind clear while you do.