33. How a Student Carries Himself in Public
The longest set of practical rules in the book. Epictetus lays out how a student of philosophy should carry himself in public.
Settle on a character and a way of acting for yourself right away, which you can keep both alone and in company.
For the most part, be silent, or speak only what is needed, and in few words.
You can, though sparingly, enter into conversation when the occasion calls for it. Do not enter it on any of the common subjects. Not on gladiators. Not on horse races. Not on athletic champions. Not on food and drink. These are the usual talk of the crowd.
Above all, do not talk about people, either to blame them, or to praise them, or to compare them.
If you can, steer the conversation around you toward better subjects. If you find yourself among strangers, be silent.
Do not laugh much, nor on many occasions, nor loudly.
Avoid swearing, if possible, altogether. If not, avoid it as much as you can.
Avoid public and common entertainments. If some occasion pulls you to them, stay sharp, so you do not slide unnoticed into the manners of the crowd.
However steady a person is on his own, if his companion has caught bad habits, he too will catch them.
Provide for your body only what its simple use requires: food, drink, clothing, house, household. Cut off and refuse everything that has to do with show or softness.
Before marriage, keep yourself as free as you can from physical familiarities. If you do not keep wholly free, keep within what is lawful.
Do not be harsh and full of scoldings toward those who use these liberties, nor boast often that you yourself do not.
If someone tells you that another person has spoken ill of you, do not make excuses about what was said. Answer:
"He did not know my other faults. If he had, he would not have mentioned only these."
You do not need to appear often at public shows. If there is ever a proper reason for you to be there, let it not be seen that you care more for one competitor than for yourself.
Wish only that things should be just as they are, and that only the one who wins should win.
This way you will meet no frustration.
Keep wholly away from shouts and from mocking and from violent feelings.
When you come away, do not talk at length about what happened, or about anything that does not help to improve you. Such talk would make it look as though you had been strongly moved by the show.
Do not go, of your own accord, to readings or rehearsals by authors, and do not appear at them readily. If you do appear, keep your seriousness and your steadiness, and at the same time do not be gloomy.
When you are about to talk with someone, especially with a person of higher station, picture to yourself how Socrates or Zeno would behave in such a case. You will not be at a loss to make right use of whatever happens.
When you are about to go to people in power, picture to yourself that you will not find him at home, that you will not be allowed in, that the doors will not be opened to you, that he will take no notice of you.
If, with all this in mind, it is still your duty to go, bear what happens.
Never say to yourself, "It was not worth so much." That is the speech of the common man, of one thrown off by outside things.
In conversations, avoid talking often and at length about your own actions and dangers. What you like to tell about the risks you have run is not as pleasant to others to hear.
Avoid also the effort to stir up laughter. That is slippery ground, which can throw you into common manners, and it can also lower you in the respect of those who know you.
It is also dangerous to come near to unclean talk. Whenever anything of that sort happens, if there is a proper opening, correct the one making such advances.
At the very least, by silence and a blush and a discouraging look, show that you are displeased with such talk.
What this means. How you carry yourself in public is practice for who you become in private. Keep the small habits clean and the big ones will follow.